Tantra Blog

Friday, June 20, 2014

Tantrika getting married

On June 13th 2014, Aaron Swanson asked me to marry him - and I said YES.

Now I know getting married is not a very conventional thing for a Tantrika to do. And that there is a perception in the Western Tantra world that Tantra is not for committed couples.

My first Tantra teacher used to say: Tantra is to couples as flower arranging is to rottweilers. I get the metaphor, for sure. In the three years that I have been with this man, we have fought like cat and dog, plummeted the depths of our shadow materials, and moved through more and more exquisite levels of bliss and passion.

And this is exactly the material that Tantra is all about: opening to all levels of experience: entering into the depths of the shadow, soaring to the heights in the realms of light - and not avoiding anything. We have been facing in the light of truth both our stubborn independence and our co-dependence.

I had been resisting relationship in the years before meeting Aaron, because of my passion for realizing truth, and my assumption that it was not possible to really open to truth in a committed one-on-one relationship. This is understandable, seeing as the world's idea of monogamy is so burdened with the false assumptions about love, truth and fidelity held by the collective subconscious.

Aaron opened me to deep, intimate and sexually exclusive partnership through his love of truth and his love of the feminine through me. He also introduced me to Bernie Prior, whose teachings revolutionized my understanding of what is possible in relationship. Through this union, I get to embody a central tenet of the Tantric teachings, which is about the union of the masculine and the feminine principles in us and in our union with another.

I'd like to describe here what it is that I am saying YES to with this engagement.

I am saying YES to

  • the hieros gamos - the sacred marriage of the masculine and the feminine
  • embodying that union in a life shared in love and truth with this man
  • letting the light of our love be a blessing to the world
  • having truth be the compass - even if it threatens the relationship
  • walking the cutting edge of my own evolution, and our togetherness as a couple
  • a deep inner marriage that is reflected in an ever deepening relationship with this man
  • exploring a new paradigm for sexual relationship in our time

I am saying NO to

  • the collective subconscious binds of monogamy as it is held in the culture
  • monogamy as culturally sanctioned co-dependence and avoidance of evolutionary challenge
  • the objectification of love
  • the selling out of marriage's true meaning through too much focus on the external appearance of the event

I know that this union will bring profound gifts of awakening to both Aaron and me. And I know that our union can contribute to a new paradigm of relationship on the planet.

May this union contribute to a clear space of YES for couples in Western Tantra.

And to all you beloveds, regardless of your relationship status or orientation, I invite you to drink from the nectar of this love - and to celebrate with us!

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Into the Deep


I find myself in a very awkward and unknown – I would even say, embarrassing – place in my life. In my life (indeed, lifetimes) as a Tantrika, my focus has been opening with unconditional love, and with a full YES, to all of life’s experience, with deep, unreserved embodiment. And here I stand now, finding myself deeply and passionately attracted – not to life, but to emptiness, to the deep, to what Bernie Prior calls the Black. There is no eros that draws me more right now than disappearing into silence, and being taken by the Beyond. Not very tantric, the conditioned mind would say. But watch how life comes to greet this desire of mine with resounding support.

Not surprisingly, this moment of realization is happening for me on a wild and endless ocean. Many years back, my meeting with the dolphins in these same wild waters had led to the beginning of the Tantric path for me.

Here I stand again, looking into the big blue, calling to the dolphins, with my heart wide open.

Suddenly they come, thrashing through the boundaries of my interior landscape, and singing the space wide open into my heart. All of this is happening in the etheric, without any of us even seeing or hearing an actual dolphin. But the impact inside my heart is so intense that I feel on the brink of tears – those tears that come when the heart has been stretched to the edges of its capacity to hold intensity.

In that inner communication the dolphins have come to pull me into the deep – into that black, endless silence, as if into the depths of a bottomless ocean.

In the time following this, I feel waves of fear rushing through me. I want to disappear into emptiness, and give myself into it as into the arms of the Beloved. And yet something in me is terrified of what will happen. I take this fear into a sound journey that Courtney Ward of Halo Gaia leads. As I listen to the sounds of her instruments, eyes closed, body letting go, I feel myself entering into the heart of fear, which feels like it is the heart of Love. This sends my heart skyrocketing open, like an opera that bursts forth from a ship exploding in fire.

The next morning, we are out on the waters again, and this time, the waves are so big that Courtney will not let us out to swim with the dolphins. They are surrounding us on all sides, playing effortlessly and without the slightest fear in the waves that are heaving our boat up and down in huge swells.

The next moment, a cry goes out: Shark! There is a dark mass in front of us.. a very strange looking large fin pops out of the water. This feels like a miracle. We have found a whale shark! Courtney gives permission to strong swimmers to jump out. I find myself diving down on top of the head of this most magnificent creature, whose body looks like the night sky scattered with a milky way of stars. All around the whale shark are dolphins dancing in utter delight, as if to celebrate the survival of this magnificent but shy creature which is being hunted to extinction by Chinese poachers.

The whale shark is known as the fish that goes deepest into the depths of the ocean – they have been found up to 2 000 meters down. This companion can guide me down into the depths with total ease. And I am going. For the next three months, I have cleared my schedule down to the bare minimum so that I may be taken into emptiness and what lies waiting there for me. Annihilation on some level, I am sure. It is my prayer that less of ‘me’ comes back and more of the ONE living through this body.

See you on the other side, beloveds!

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

The Women's Union becomes the Sisterhood

The Women’s Union is that aspect of women’s psyche during Patriarchy that subconsciously subscribes to the basic tenant of the system: The belief that men—and the outdated model of the masculine that we held in Patriarchy—has all the power. This model includes beliefs such as that only the top dog survives, and that life is all about competition.

The Women’s Union in us makes us super critical of each other—and of ourselves—as women. It is a collective archetype, and so it tends to run through us as a force of judging women. We judge each other for being too sexual, not sexual enough, too fat, too slim, too visible, having bad dress sense, making bad choices in relationship, and on and on.

I encourage you to take some time to reflect on how the Women’s Union lives in you. I have found that even women who regard themselves as very sexual and not mainstream have the Women’s Union subtly, or not so subtly, influencing their lives.

The good news is that this archetype can be transformed in us. Transformed, the Women’s Union becomes the quality of Sisterhood.

Sisterhood is a phenomenon where women start to apply our capacity to love in supporting each other, to see each other’s beauty, and to let each other blossom and radiate in the world. The quality of Sisterhood also draws us together as a collective of women, to get clear on our deepest values and highest knowing of what kind of world we want to create. The feminine principle is, after all, the principle of creation. We create the world we live in!

To activate Sisterhood in you, I suggest the following:

  • Come together with a group of women, and spend some time reflecting to each other the unique gifts and beauty you see in each other. Consider doing a sensual exercise together, like massaging each other’s hands or brushing each other’s hair. Feel into the softness and spaciousness that opens.
  • Reflect with the group, or on your own in writing, on the following questions:
    • What are the values that most inspire you?
    • What kind of world do you really want to create?
  • Start to bring your higher visions into manifestation by dancing or painting them, or writing a poem, or a story about them. Share them with others. Give them energy and support.
Being in Sisterhood opens a new door to our own healing and to deeper connections with other women and men in our lives. I encourage you to help make this shift in our culture.


A couple of weeks back, I had a beautiful Q&A Call focused on questions around my upcoming trainings — Sexual Awakening for Women 9-Month Personal Intensive and 12-Month Facilitator's Training. I shared a lot of information about these two programs on the call, particularly the teachings and the learning outcomes; and I answered some great questions from women about the programs. A number of women said that it helped clarify the program structure and the level of interaction during the course.

 To download or stream a recording of this call please click here.

The Sexual Awakening for Women programs start February 19th, so if you're interested please go to the course information page to learn more and register HERE.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Celebrate the Sacred Sexual Woman

In my previous post, I introduced you to the first of three feminine sexual archetypes that need transforming in our time. The first one was the Virgin, and the next archetype is the Whore.The Whore is society's scapegoat — she is judged by everyone from celibate priests to AIDS-preaching pharmaceutical companies. She is also celebrated, as by the rock star Madonna.

If we travel through the shadow land of the Whore archetype, we will find that at its core, this archetype has a message that our society desperately needs to hear. It is this:

Celebrate your sexuality! It is powerful... and it is divine! 

There is a power and liberation in exploring the range of your sexuality between these two polarities:

1. Go Wild

We human beings have become too tamed. It's time to find again...

...your slithering snake belly that feels her delight
your tiger claws that cut through niceties and protects love
your lioness roar that says what she wants, loudly and clearly.

Bring your animal self into your life. Bring her into your bedroom. Find your own authentic way. Stop holding back energy. Give yourself fully to life. You'd be surprised how your partner will delight in this wild creature coming out of you.

Whenever I let my authentic life force move through my body, without censoring or manipulating it, the man in my life responds with delicious aliveness in his body and his eyes - and he is magnetized to me. Sometimes that wildness comes out  in me with claws - and sometimes it comes out with a ferocious embrace and a passionate declaration: I LOVE YOU!!!

2. Go Subtle

To really celebrate our sexuality, we need also to honor the profound subtlety that is at the heart of sex. Discover that subtlety by going inside. Close your eyes, and journey with your breath all the way down your body, into your pelvic bowl. Drop into the swirling molten honey of your internal desire body. Feel the subtle undulations and ripples that come from that pelvic bowl.

Now connect with your genitals and feel the fine currents of energy that start to run through them as you bring your breath and your attention to them. Really enjoy this feeling — soak it in.

In my upcoming 9-month Sexual Awakening for Women Personal Intensive, I'll be guiding women into a deeper understanding of the Virgin and Whore archetypes in their own lives. And if you choose to step onto this journey, I'll be taking you through subtle energetic, creative and psychological processes to clear the obstacles that are in the way of you fully living your creative, sexual genius as an embodiment of the Feminine. 

Friday, January 31, 2014

Wake up your Sexual Virgin!

There are three archetypes of feminine sexuality that are called on in the process of sexual awakening. Men, with some creative reading, you'll see how this applies to your journey.

The sexual archetype I'd like to introduce here is the Virgin. In our collective unconscious, the words "virgin" and "sexual" don't go together. Patriarchy has turned the virgin into an asexual, disembodied creature who floats ethereally above her body.

So you may be surprised to hear me say: Without a full claiming and embodiment of the virginal in our sexuality, our sex will never plumb the depths that it can take us to. And you may be even more surprised to hear me say: the virginal has nothing to do with how many sexual encounters we have had. The sexual virgin in us has a quality of singleness, presence and profound inner freedom.

She is single in that she resides in our essential nature, before any experience. She is not given to the entanglement that characterizes most sexual relationships, whether they be between marriage partners or sexual flings. Her love is for the Beloved within, who manifests as the beloved in another body.

To explore this quality, try this:

Imagine sitting opposite a sexual partner. Close your eyes. Become aware of your perineum at the base of your torso, the part of your body that you are sitting on. Identify a point between your anus and genitals. Now become aware of the crown of your head. Inwardly, imagine a line being drawn between these points, running through your sex center and your heart. Imagine your breath running between these two points and turn your gaze inwards towards this channel, which is known as the shushumna or hollow flute. Now keep your attention in this center and become aware of your imaginary sexual partner without leaving your own core.

The virgin is present. She experiences each moment as the first touch of the beloved. Try for yourself.

Go outside and pick up an object in nature. It can be a leaf, a stone, a feather, a flower, anything that draws you. Find a quiet spot and close your eyes. Put the object in the palm of your hand. Let all your attention come to rest in experiencing this object with all your senses. Feel the texture of the touch. Imagine you can listen to it, you can even put your ear to it. Smell it, taste it. See it inwardly. Now sense into the possibility of this object becoming one with you.

Imagine meeting a lover in this way.  Imagine touching someone you have been with for 20 years as if this touch is the very first one. That is the quality of the virgin alive in your sexuality.

Finally, the virgin brings profound inner freedom to our sexuality.  She brings you back to your wholeness: To discover what this means, get a pen and paper and try the following exercise:

What qualities in your sexual partner (past or present) blocks your experience of profound inner freedom in your sexual relationship? Once you have identified the qualities, apply great honesty to see whether these qualities may also exist in you, in disguised form. Now see if you, can, even just for a minute, let go of this projection on to your partner. Notice the subtle feeling of inner freedom that comes over you. Now imagine making this your way of living.

In my upcoming Sexual Awakening for Women 9-month Personal Intensive and 12-month Facilitators Training (starting February 19), one of the Modules that we will be exploring delving into is Transforming Sexual Archetypes of the Feminine.

To find out more about this course and the other Modules which we will be exploring, please visit the site here.

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Online Learning Program Manager for Shakti Malan        
Job Description

Shakti Malan, Ph.D., is currently looking for a part-time (potentially leading to full-time) Program Manager to support her growing global online learning programs.

Are you a highly experienced and creative brand marketing/program leader with a passion for personal and spiritual growth?

Imagine being able to put your skills and talents to work being of service to the global awakening of humanity, supported by a team that shares your heart-centered values... all from the comfort of your own home in a virtual workplace!

Shakti Malan teaches globally on the topic of sexual awakening for women and men. Her new 7-week live online course, Awakening Your Feminine Sexual Essence, just launched in the fall of 2013. She is also the author of Sexual Awakening for Women. Shakti is excited to reach both women and men from all corners of the planet with powerful, highly-interactive online learning programs, and has a long-term vision for a full curriculum around sacred sexuality, sexual healing and spiritual awakening.

Shakti’s mission is the awakening and deepening of our sexuality as an expression of consciousness. She has a particular focus on the awakening of feminine sexual essence.  Shakti's work is also a deep exploration of the relationship between the inner masculine and feminine as reflected in our outer relationships.

We are looking for an exceptionally bright, creative, passionate, committed, conscious individual to contribute her gifts and expertise to serve Shakti’s emerging online offerings and her growing global community, realizing its highest potential to impact and contribute to the evolution and awakening of both women and men in our time.

In this Program Manager position, success would look like the expansion of Shakti’s teachings and programs in the world, the effective delivery of current programs, the development of new programs, and expansion of outreach strategies to touch the millions of women and men who are in need of these teachings and this community.

The ideal candidate will have extensive knowledge of the personal/spiritual growth movement, have a passion for the embodied awakening of humanity, have a strong eye for breakthrough creative assets, and be experienced in planning and executing both course delivery objectives and marketing campaigns spanning multiple channels and media types.

This person will develop thoughtful, service and mission-oriented communications campaigns that grow Shakti’s programs and its community, while aligning program development and delivery in accordance with growth demands.

Finally, as Shakti’s company is virtual and she travels extensively, we are looking for a team member who is a self-starter and independent learner, willing to innovate and create new solutions to challenges that emerge in a fast-paced entrepreneurial environment, open to being on a steep learning curve, responsive to the dynamic needs of a campaign, and eager to partner with other contributors to Shakti’s programs.

The ideal candidate will be inspired by success, yet sensitive to the authenticity and integrity required to build Shakti’s brand and community, with a strong sense of their value and an intention to bring forward their highest contribution in their work.


  • Managing all aspects of online course preparation and delivery including directing project plans, email marketing campaigns, opt-in and sales page development, participant communication, course community site management, customer service support and assisting with all course sessions.
  • Support the expansion of Shakti’s global learning community organically. This can be achieved through list acquisitions; content distribution; strategic partnerships; and search engine, email, and affiliate marketing approaches
  • Designing leading-edge integrated communication strategies that keep our outreach campaigns fresh, culturally-responsive, current and on message
  • Performing in-depth analysis to understand the deepest needs of our “especially for” audience
  • Monitoring customer service feedback to evaluate efficacy of campaign and taking corrective action and/or implementing improvements when appropriate
  • Supporting the development and growth of the international Shakti Malan online/virtual community
  • Creating and adhering to program budgets

Required Qualifications

  • Attained Bachelors’ Degree or higher
  • 3-5 years experience in marketing or project management (preferably online marketing)
  • Experience with project management and idea implementation
  • Excellent written and verbal communications; experience in editing or proofreading copy
  • Stellar ability to collaborate with a team, as well as provide necessary leadership for problem solving and meeting enrollment goals
  • Proficient and courageous in navigating current and new technologies in the email marketing and online learning fields.
  • Strong attention to detail and organizational skills
  • Ability to manage and prioritize demanding schedules and be comfortable in a constantly evolving environment of rapid change
  • Flexibility to adapt work schedule to align with the emergent/creative process and the dynamic needs of the community and the program, which may mean occasionally unpredictable work hours
  • Ability to work remotely (must own personal computer, phone and have high-speed broadband internet access)
  • Strong dedication/commitment to team collaboration and success

Strongly Preferred Experience

  • Graduate of one of Shakti’s trainings or programs
  • Passion for embodied awakening
  • Adult learning or virtual learning experience — inside either marketing or operations
  • Professional or life experience in the healing, coaching, or transformative fields
  • Experience with Ning, MaestroConference, Wordpress, and Social Media sites
  • Knowledgeable about the field of Online Learning

Fees and Rates

Since this is a part-time, sub-contractor position, the starting hourly rate depends on skills and experience.

How To Apply

Does this sound like you? If yes, we’d love to hear from you! If you are passionate and excited about this role, possess the abilities and qualifications listed above, as well as the desire to excel in this position, we would absolutely love to consider you for this part-time role that can lead to a full-time position.

Here’s what you need to do to apply:

  • Send us your current resume and a cover letter highlighting specific experience that relates to the responsibilities outlined for this role
  • Please send your information in Word or PDF to: shakti@shaktimalan.com.
  • In the subject line of the email, please type: " Program Manager – [Your Name]".

We thank you and are grateful for the time you have taken to read this job posting, and for your interest in working with Shakti Malan and her team!

Find Out More About Shakti Malan’s New Online Program Here:

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Conversation with your inner masculine

In my recent teleseminar 3 Keys to Unlocking Your Feminine Sexual Essence, I shared that the underlying issue affecting women’s sexuality today is that we have been operating from an outdated male model of sexuality.

With that in mind, I’d like to give you a simple 3-step practice for addressing this problem by having a conversation with YOUR masculine.

Step 1: Recognize the Voice
As with so many women, the number one thing that stops the awakening of your Feminine Sexual Essence is an old masculine voice that’s playing like an antique gramophone in the back of your head. I’m saying old, because it is a historical voice.

It’s a version of an internalized masculine voice in us that really belongs to the previous century (and earlier). And it’s saying something like this:
  • “You don’t have time for this touchy-feely stuff. You’ve got way too much to do already.”
  • “Get in touch with your feminine? You want to be weak like your mom or crazy emotional like your aunty? You want to wear frilly dresses? Is that your life mission?”
  • “Don’t even try this. You know you’re going to fail. You’re already such a failure as a lover.”
So, this first step is to simply recognize this voice and acknowledge it consciously without needing to “do anything with it.”
Step 2: Notice How this Voice Runs You
I’m sure many women – and men – who read this email, can recognize these voices. They belong to an outdated version of the masculine in us who believes that life is all about personal performance and achievement. 
This step is about being honest with yourself and noticing the degree to which your life is still RUN by this outdated voice. I can write about this because I know this voice so clearly in myself. And I know just how stubborn and driven it is in my life.

Now with a conscious awareness of how this voice works in you, it’s time to engage this “old masculine” voice when he comes up in you.
Step 3: Have the Conversation with Your Masculine
Having a conversation with this masculine voice in you is THE key practice that can open the gates to your Feminine Sexual Essence, as it has for hundreds of women I have worked with over the years. Here is what you do:
  • Put out two pillows facing each other. The one pillow is ‘your’ pillow as the feminine. The other pillow is that of the masculine voice that keeps playing in the back of your head. Switch between the two pillows. When you are sitting in your pillow, speak to the masculine voice as though you are speaking to a man sitting there. Then switch to the voice’s pillow and imagine that you can speak as a man who has that voice to yourself as the feminine. The purpose is to bring more space, awareness and attunement between the two. 
Now, I’d like to suggest to you a flow for this conversation...
  • I tell my masculine that I appreciate everything he has achieved up until now. This is important. Without acknowledgment, this masculine voice will not be open to discussing new possibilities.
  • I express my desire to awaken to my Feminine Sexual Essence – to feel myself more as a woman, to have more space, to live from authentic impulse, to get off the treadmill. Find the words that are true for you. This is often the hardest part for the feminine – to admit what she most deeply wants.
  • Then I move over to the masculine pillow and let him respond. At this point, he might show resistance and say something like: “You’re asking me to change focus. I am really enjoying the success I am having at achieving my current goals. I’m not interested.”
  • I go back to the feminine pillow. Now it’s time to be appreciative but tactful. Express your faith in the capacity of your inner masculine to take on a new challenge. If this doesn’t work, gently make him aware of how exhausting – and how lonely – it is to keep plodding away the way that he has been.
  • Go back to the masculine and let him respond. Being made aware of his yearning to have more of the feminine nourishing his space is usually the thing that will have your inner masculine opening and saying YES.
  • Once he’s given his support, you are good to go! 
In my upcoming live online course Awakening Your Feminine Sexual Essence, we will be 
doing more practices to transform this outdated masculine voice in your your life and to awaken a deep sweetness between your Feminine and the true Masculine. If you are interested, you can learn more and register here!
With love and blessings,

P.S.   If you haven’t yet listened to the audio recording of my virtual workshop, 3 Keys to Unlocking Your Feminine Sexual Essence, you can stream it or download it for f-ree here: 3 Keys to Unlocking Feminine Essence Audio Download Page.