Tantra Blog

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Inner masculine and feminine


The following is a conversation that I had with a friend recently about the relationship between the masculine and feminine in me. I found it insightful and decided to share it with you, as this is a theme that is very close to my heart and also an important one in Tantra.

Friend: When you talk about the inner marriage.. what do you feel the masculine in isolation to essentially be and the essentially feminine?

My feminine is intuitive... she feels life around her... she is directed by the heart. She feels the bigger space. her desires and motivations come from deep inside, and are a response to all she receives through her perception. She is receptive and perceptive in the subtle realms.

My masculine is directed and focused... he can do great things, overcome obstacles, build things, make plans and execute them... he has one pointed focus and goal oriented. He functions best when he is guided by the feminine. When they work together, they are a magnificent team. He can really make things happen - but when he doesn't have her direction, he becomes an ambitious, driven bastard

If my feminine isn't clear about what she wants, or she doesn't clearly ask my masculine what she wants him to do, she becomes weak and self doubting

But if she trusts her inner knowing, then the impossible becomes possible. My masculine is really cool - if she dares to have big wishes, he will do his best to make them come true

My masculine is the one who enjoys pitching the tent, collecting the firewood, bundubashing a path. My feminine is the one who enjoys the view. Without her enjoyment, all his effort would be pointless. Without his effort, she would not be able to enjoy

What is your feeling when you have gone to far in the direction of the masculine...what happens to your awareness?


Yes, an interesting experience. It feels like this. My masculine gets driven, competitive, goal oriented, starts to compare himself to others, and conjures up all sorts of imaginary goals.

My feminine feels that she is alone - I feel lonely and feel that men have never been there for me - she starts to doubt herself and become insecure, she tries to win the masculine back but feels it's hopeless.

The masculine on the other hand is not really satisfied either. actually not at all, although he seems to be running the show. Because he doesn't actually want to run the show. He gets confused if he doesn't have the direction of the feminine. So net result is that he loses his desire to live, actually. It starts to all feel futile and empty

OK. And what happens to the quality of your awareness when it goes like that?

It clouds over and becomes confused. it hardens and becomes less sensitive

less connected to beauty and god...

less connected to the subtle

Shakti: yes exactly

less connected to the causal

Shakti: Yes

Friend: At the mercy of causality instead of behind it

Shakti: Yes, but still the masculine will believe that if he just tries harder he will be in control

Friend:Sticky awareness.. get attached to stuff and aversive to stuff..

Shakti: Yes very sticky

Friend: Is there such a thing as going to far into the feminine in your view?

Shakti: For sure. Years ago my feminine was running the show and didn't want to know about the masculine. That''s no use. It makes her hard, and she can't really live her full beauty in the world, because the masculine is not there to actualize it

Friend: So becomes dreamy self-obsessive like?

Shakti: :Yes... or insecure and insubstantial.

I think masculine on his own can be as self-obsessive as feminine, though feminine is likely to be more internal with the obsession - self analysis - whereas masculine obsessiveness is focused on changing the external.

Friend: Does the masculine have a role to play in the subtle, in meditations etc?


Yes he has.
When the masculine's will is following the feminine's receptivity, then you can enter the realm of choiceless choice - which is real meditation. It takes attention and an aligned will to drop thoughts in stead of following them

It takes a very strong willingness - masculine presence - to enter formlessness. The masculine has to trust the feminine there, else the feminine on her own can just fall into depression when she meets undifferentiated space

In the beginning with meditation, it is useful to have some focus - such as the breath, or the bindu - for your awareness. This focus is held by the masclune, so that the feminine can relax into formlessness, into the subtle.

In time, that changes so that the masculine develops the will to also drop focus and still stay present and fully there

For me it's like this: In stead of focusing on something, I sense the places where my will is creating a "self", and identity, a boundary between me and existence. And I very gently - very gently - just drop that insistence. Then meditation happens.

The masculine has to really cooperate and trust the feminine to go there.

So, I would say that the inner marriage is essential for real meditation to happen.

Energetically, if I am either in masculine or in feminine and the relationship is not strong, I will be pulled into the ida or pingala (the masculine or feminine energy streams) in my awareness in stead of resting in the shushumna (the central energy channel of subtle awareness.)


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