Tantra Blog

Friday, June 25, 2010

Tantra travel journal Oregan to Seattle

Oregon

This country is beautiful. Trees form a lush green coat around us as we drive down the highway in Natasha's sexy's truck. I am traveling with two very beautiful people. Between the trees, Mount Shasta lake sleeps impressively. Off in the distance we see the peaks of snow-covered Mount Shasta. It is almost summer solstice, and Dez and Natasha tell me people were skiing up there a few weeks ago still. Mount Shasta is serious new-age hippy country where the legendary Anastasia has her home. I think she may find some Tantric love really grounding.

Ashland

Ashland is a town that hosts a Shakespeare festival all summer long. I can see why. The city feels a bit like a cross between Stellenbosch and Franschhoek with a touch of the Garden Route - Franschhoek goes Organic may describe it. We sit in the late afternoon sun eating an awesome rawfood dinner while watching the snow capped mountains in the distance. Then off to our host Roger, a student of the Muirs - see his lovely website sacreddesire.com.

The venue fills up with the sweetest people. There is a warm sense of community here, lots of embraces and meaningful glances going amongst participants. And what a range of people: Beautiful nature-nymphs and homesprung little dakini's, gnome-like smiling men with lots of hair, a priest who has studied all manner of mystery traditions and brought the together in his own temple, a large man with Tourette's whose body shakes and splutters in response to the emotions he feels during the sessions. He receives my touch with gratitude.

Our talk tonight is flowing in an interesting direction. There is a debate about whether we really need to feel the feelings that come up when the unconscious is touched, or whether the solution is not just simply to meditate. The questioner's argument is, since emotions are created by the mind, we may as well just still the mind and then the problem is solved.

Dez has an unusual perspective. He says people get addicted to meditation as an avoidance of feeling and experience. I affirm the value of meditation as a way of building a capacity for presence, but emphasize that the mind is very good at convincing us that we are being still when actually our meditation is going not very deep at all. Your depth is your depth. When you are not willing to feel deeply what is there, that's it - that's how deep your meditation will go too.

Three women approach me afterwards with gratitude. One is a taoist dakini who appreciated the affirmation to let herself feel deeply into the feelings that she was sitting on. Another teaches a form of tantric dance that works with the undulations in the body. The third is a yogini who has had some experience of kundalini rising from her body while she was doing waterdance and watsu - two disciplines that are popular here. She said it made her feel sane to hear me talking about the mondao, and my experience of how kundalini has risen up in me while sitting in the water, as this experience is not understood in that tradition. I had given some input on my experience of the experience between kundalini and the african mondao waterspirit.

Eugene

Eugene is a significantly bigger town than Ashland. Our host, Jennifer Glanville, is a petite but extraordinary woman who had a spontaneous kundalini awakening three years ago. She greets us with platters of delicious raw food and takes us to the venue, where a small but delightful group of people meet us for a discussion that goes wide and deep. We have time to work with a few individuals in the group, and this has a powerful impact on everyone. The tool I use is the male-female dialogue from my soulmate within course; Dez uses a similar tool that he calls Aspecting.

This is the third time we do the sex magic ritual, and I am starting to enjoy the process of clarifying and setting intention. My desire is to be available and present wherever existence can use me most powerfully for the awakening of those who are ready. After the talk, one of the participants encourages me to present at Ken Wilbur's Integral Spiritual Experience conference over New Year (http://integrallife.com/group/integral-spiritual-experience. I will write to them and see.

Drifting in a hot tub with leaves dappling overhead. I feel so grateful for this moment.

Portland

This is a city I could live in. It is beautiful. Living in this city is like living in a forest on the water's edge. The bridges across the waters are astounding in their design and extent. There is a tango milonga every night, and there is a huge Tantra meet-up. (A meet-up is a concept that is popular in America and is similar to a club.) Walking down the street towards the venue where we are talking tonight is like walking down a Paris cafe street.

We are meeting in the Massage in Motion room. It is covered in soft foam, I am intrigued as to what happens here during the day. People start flooding in, more and more of them. The event is sold out. Initially, I feel a bit intimidated by the volume of people facing me, but soon Dez and I are on a roll. The talk is getting recorded, I hope to get a copy of it. I can feel the energy building up and cooking in the room. At some point, I am talking about the rising of sexual energy in a woman's body, and I find my body spontaneously going into skydancing. A awe-filled silence comes over the room.

Dez and I share a lot in the content and style of our teaching. He talks about the healthy development of the nervous system from conception to adulthood, and how the nervous system can go into contraction when we experience shock or trauma in our development I talk about how the flow between the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system can be supported back into naturally releasing trauma. I do some exercises with the group to get them to experience this contraction and release.

We both talk about the importance of feeling your feelings. Dez sees feeling as a feminine quality, associated with the belly, which is also the seat of our power. By becoming willing to feel, we return to our power. He talks about the right relationship between belly, heart, body and mind, and I talk about the flow of energy up the chakras.

At the end of the talk, a woman with a thousand multi-colored plats comes to sit next to me and asks: May I touch you? She puts her hand on my heart, looks me in the eyes and says: I thank you, from the bottom of my heart. Another woman, a beautiful spychic called Noelani, comes to thank me. She has made millions as an e-book writer (http://bit.ly/8Bwsg9), and has been in the Tantric scene for a couple of decades. "It is an honor to meet a real dakini," she says.

On request, I am running a women's workshop the next evening. The event is hosted with a lot of warmth by Erin, rawfoodist and yogini. Amongst the ten women gathered in the womb space of her cellar, are quite a few practitioners. One has done the training of the Source School of Tantra Yoga founded in 1978 by Charles Muir; see http://www.sourcetantra.com and another the Ipsalu Tantra (krya yoga) training http://ipsalutantra.org/. Both these training systems seem to be popular in America and fairly large volumes of people go from this training to teaching Tantra.

It is powerful to sit in this circle of women, to listen to the choir or our yonis singing together. As I guide the women into feeling into the flow of sexual energy through their womanly bodies, some strong openings happen. I so get why women are scared of their own sexual energy - this stuff is powerful! And as the kundalini starts moving, it will move whatever emotions and energetic expressions are ready to be integrated from the subconscious.

Our host for the time in Portland is Anna Marti (http://www.annamarti.com/). Anna has been working in the fields of sexuality and consciousness for decades. She reminds me of the daka/"the sexologist practicing at the edge of the law" main character in the movie Bliss, except she is the female version. Her home is a temple of style and finesse. Everywhere on the walls and tables are rare images of sensuality, the goddess and transcendence. Her bookshelf is a cordon bleu candy store for someone like me. Anna is a yoga teacher, a superb intimacy coach, a tango dancer, a grandmother, and in her free time, she does community service like classes on jealousy in the prisons. Her partner Scott, and internet creative, is a huge amount of fun.

In the morning, Anna calls me into her office to listen in to an internet radio show she is attending. The main speaker is Esther Perel (www.estherperel.com), the author of Mating in Captivity. She is talking about jealousy and infidelity. She is a psychologist with a passion and sensitivity that reminds me of Clarissa Pinkola Estes.

Stopover in Seattle, Washington

Yesterday, we arrived at the house of Dez' sister and brother-in-law in Seattle. Their names, delightfully, are Brad and Janet (alias Rocky Horror Picture Show) and they are as delightful as they are named. Brad is an exceptional listener, and Janet is an extraordinary young looking grandmother.

The house is built on an awesome river. I get in the water, which is superbly clean, and swim right across the lake area. My body is in bliss. Natasha, Dez and I laze about in the sun, and Dez dives out two pairs of glasses dropped by our host! (they get washed in the dishwasher and come out functional again.)

Brad and Janet are wonderful hosts. We get fed on Alaskan wild salmon outside in the late sunset. The house is equipped with everything you could imagine, including constant hot water on tap, excellent recycling facilities, a rain forest mist chamber, and a huge multimedia room. We get good sleep, another delicious swim in the river, a green spirulina smoothie with breakfast (It's great traveling and eating with Dez and Natasha) and now we're off to Vancouver, Canada - yay! In five days or so, we will be back in Seattle to do some talks and sessions.

Monday, June 21, 2010

San Francisco to Oregon

I am traveling north on the West Coast of America with three musketeers: Simon, South African daka on his way to go learn alchemy and Chinese, Natasha, Russian rawfoodist and lovely tantrika, and Dez, American Tantric networker extroadinaire. We are on the big road out of San Fancisco to Ashland, Oregon. I spent the last few days living in a loft in an semi-industrial area, looking out over the bay. Aemonn, my host, is an Irish-American lawyer who also happens to be a superb astrologer. America, he says, is the land of opportunity. Just print the business card, and that's what you'll be. I can see that. Tantrikas grow like poppy flowers here - a weekend course and some imagination is enough to get you going in your practice.

Having said that, things work really well here. The household appliances and finishings are just exquisite in their design and efficiency. You can get wi-fi almost anywhere if you are stable for a while, even just to grab a coffee. San Francisco is a classy city. Combine a spirit of everything-goes freedom with large dollops of creativity and big vision, and you have this city. I love the curves of the road, and the massive Gaugin-like wall paintings. Food is really good in any restaurant here, and the wholefood shops are out of this world in their choices.

The Tantra and polyamory culture in California is fascinating. You can find both categories of people on any block. People take initiative and create intriguing enterprizes. Zeerak Kahn, whom we meet in the hotel where she is staying, is completing a book on how she integrated the teachings of India's main Advaita and Tantra teachers with some of the funkiest teachings from the West. One that I find particularly intriguing, is her application of Wilhelm Reich's work. She puts students on massive vibrator pads and puts vibrators up their anuses while taking them through breath and yoga routines that shake them out of any remaining thought patterns they may be stuck in. Pull out the big guns, little lady!

Zeerak is a minute Indian beauty with a huge spirit. We are on our way to meet her long-time gay friend Juju, and she is dressing up in a snake skin dress and high high heels. "Juju is as much of a queen as I am", she explains - "I have to look the part!" Tomorrow, she will be posing as Lakshmi for Penny Slinger, author of Sexual Secrets. She shows me the jewellery that will be draped over her naked skin - exquisite.

We go to meet Juju at the reteat center which he helped to dream up and create. The drive up is though the redwood forests - My awe increases with the size of these trees. And then we turn into Stillheart, the retreat center (stillheart.org). In my life, i have never seen a retreat centre of this scale. It is enormously spacious, and all just with the finest design. There is a spring floor yoga room, an art room, a huge heated pool, sauna and jacuzzi, and an outrageously spacious workshop lounge.

The artwork is out of this world. There is an almost life size white jade quan yin statue in a corner, a massive lit up crystal in the entrance room, a painting of buddha's life that took some monks five years to paint, and then the highlight: two massive chandeliers from hand blown glass in the form of thick, voluptious, ocean-like flowers.

Accommodation is provided in tree houses. When you step out the houses, you get captured by the spirit of the massive redwood trees. It is hard to describe the scale of these trees. Their silent presence tower up overhead, green and timelessly joyous. We meet Juju, whose artwork is all over the centre. He is a lovely man, a deep spirit, with a delightful aversion to all things flakey. Having dreamt up and manifested this beauty, he wonders what will come next for him.

Triambika arrives to take Zeerak to Santa Cruz. She has a large head of curly hair, and a beautiful, solid gaze. Soon, she will be starting to teach her dakini mentorship programme. I hope to get to spend a bit more time with her in future. Then Dez arrives with Uta from London. Uta has just landed at San Francisco to attend a clinical sexology course. It is lovely to see this new dear friend again after my visit with her in London a week or so ago. Uta is organizing the European Sexuality and Consciousness conference, of which I am arranging the African counterpart. We talk business, ideas and networking while basking in tree-speckled sun.

Ah, and then, a walk through those awesome trees. There are strategically parked benches, each with a brush tied to them so you can wipe off the leaves. All attention to detail. We get to a waterfall watched over by a buddha statue. Simon and I, the wild Africans, cannot resist: We rip off our clothes and get in under the icy water. Then a proper, delicious mud bath-rub for me. I am landed on American soil.

America impresses. This is a place where anything seems to be possible. There are just so many people here, and the mind boggles at the amount of disposable cash. In a culture that is mostly middle class, people can afford to pay $3000 for a weekend retreat. it is lovely to be in a place where people value consciousness and will pay for teaching.

I do my first session in America in San Francisco. I feel the rightness of me being here right now. This session was needed, and was able to provide the guidance that was required.

Now, off to Ashland. We are on the fast track: Three cities in three days, and every night a talk and a workshop.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Travel notes Salisbury and San Fransisco

14 June 2010

I am met in Salisbury by the delightful Divya Lynette of the long silver hair. She arrives slightly flustered as her car engine had blown up the previous day after some drunken adolescent had poured cool drink in the petrol tank and a wig up the exhaust. The English, it seems, are not all politeness.

Over lunch in a patisserie she tells me about all the exciting activities she has recently participated in. Between dress-up parties at Osho Leela, sound healing sessions by visiting musicians, Five Rhythms, Biodanza, consciousness festivals, catharting meditations, tantric massage workshops and trance dance, it seems there is hardly chance to integrate one experience in England before the next arrives. I see the gift that this has brought her though. She talks about intensely transformational experiences with both awe and detachment. I like that.

Salisbury of course is a very special place. Although I don't have time to visit the stone circles, cathedral and other world famous sites, I can feel their presence. Lynette tells me that sunrises at Stonehenge can be quite overwhelming, as all the ritualist groups - light and dark to very dark - vie for the best spaces on this much hallowed ground.

Half an hour's drive out into the tree lined countryside, we reach Hanna and Martin's Tantra temple. They have invited me to present a retreat here this weekend. Saraja temple is both their home and the space from which they teach. I had met Hanna and Martin during the week in a private hotel lounge where I had had a chance to hear about their teaching. Hanna had spent three years in a Tibetan monastery and Martin had trained as a psychotherapist before they met and started a Tantric partnership that became a marriage. Their tradition is that of Kriya Tantra, in which specific yogic practices and rituals are observed. All practices are infused with mantra. Hanna and Martin have infused their practice with what they have learnt from other traditions as well.

The participants start arriving. Meeting people I will be working with for the first time feels for me a bit like meeting a lover for the first time. There is just such delight in meeting any of those rare souls who have the courage to do Tantric practice. And they are gathered here today from all over the world. Though all the participants now live in England, they come from all over - Italy, Greece, Holland, France, Poland - there are even two Afrikaners in the mix. There are councilors, osteopaths, a nurse, business owners, students, teachers and a priestess of Avalon in the mix. Many of the participants are students of Hanna and Martin, and they have a deep fondness and loyalty towards their teachers.

How does one describe what happens on a retreat like this? The experience is so internal and wordless, that one can hardly do justice. I will see that I can say that is of use. The theme for this weekend is welcoming dragon energy - our fiery passionate life force - and refining this energy up through the chakras. We start with the awakening of the passions, of which the first step is lifting the lid on suppressed emotions. the Europeans, it seems, do not like Dynamic meditation. They know it and they will do it because they know it's good for them, but it is like drinking bitter medicine. What gets their juices going though, is moving into animal expression. I gradually lure them into feeling their mammalian, territorial, sexual bodilly selves, until we have a mass of bodies rolling over each other on the floor, big cats play wrestling and delighting in the warmth of bodies pressed close by. Suddenly, we are alive, alert, and ready for pleasure.

Now that the willingness to feel passion and desire has arisen, it is time to face our stuff about love. I lead the participants into a very personal exploration of how our outer loves reflect our inner male-female relationships. Really coming to meet the beloved inside is a rocky journey that is often met with much resistance. We are so insistent in believing that the soulmate must be outside, and that doing the inner work is really only valuable if it leads us to the soulmate out there. But the shifts are happening. The inner conversations are deepening. And a few participants have exquisite encounters with the inner beloved.

Gradually, the atmosphere softens. By the evening, we are ready to enter a space of deep sensuality. In preparation, and to make sure everyone smells good after the day's sweaty practice, I get everyone into the hot tub outside after dinner. It is 8.30pm, and I am floating in the middle of a tightly packed mass of bodies, gazing up at the predators flying overhead. There is something magical about these late night bright skies in England. I feel contented and my belly is grateful for the delicious, wholesome food that we keep being supplied from Hanna's warm hospitality.

About the evening, I will not say much, except that it was very beautiful and moving. When human beings meet like this, in naked vulnerability, to give love in presence and touch, there can only be beauty. The temple holds us so comfortably with all the velvet pillows, quirky sheep skin and sparkling hearts that Hanna has adorned the floors with. Outside, the night is laughing at us as we pay no attention to the hour.

I get told in the early hours of the morning that I am expected to rev it up some more tomorrow - the participants have no desire to drop down from the level of ecstasy that they are already feeling in their bodies. "Are you sure?" I ask. We had already established by then that opening up to ecstasy also means opening up to everything else that is there to be felt. But they are ready, they want the ride, and so I say: "fasten your seat belts."

Not that what I offer them the next day is very dramatic or necessarily different from what they have done before. It is just that, when we make the intention to surrender deeply into presence, we go, softly, gently, without even having noticed, way beyond the comfort zones of our familiar ego structures. My style is light touch: I create opportunity, and each individual feels how deeply they want to enter there. Later on that night I hear Martin saying that insisting on being open can also be an escape from the real. I agree. Sometimes really allowing the closing and the contracting is the most profound opportunity. I hope that during this weekend, participants have had ample opportunity for both.

Hanna has invited me back to teach either at their delightful temple, or, she suggests, a bigger venue that can hold up to 50 participants. I feel honored, and will wait to hear what existence decides.

Sleep has not been a strong feature of my time in England. Between teaching, doing sessions, attending a talk by tantrika Luba from Boston, going to a Tango milonga in London (delicious) and catching up with fellow dakini Uta, the hours left for sleep have not been many. This morning I got up at 5am, and now I am in the coach to Heathrow, ready to take off to San Fransisco where I will be met by BabaDez, Zeerak Kahn, Simon Tzu, Natasha, and later Uta. A gathering of Tantrikas on the next continent, what fun. Tomorrow night is our fist talk, in San Fransisco. We we will be there until Saturday, available for sessions. In between, I shall be frolicking in the ocean. Dez tells me the sea at SF is cold (16 - 17 degrees); he clearly does not live in Cape Town. And then, I wish to sleep - lots, and deep, like a baby cradled in the lap of this beautiful planet we live on.

17 June 2010

LIfe gets more fascinating by the minute. The lovely Natasha picked me up at San Francisco airport and took me to her friend Kelly's house where I had a lovely but jetlagged sleep. We go out for breakfast late next morning to celebrate Kelly's 40th birthday and my first ever day in America. The sun is baking down on us at the side street cafe where we perch, and yet the cold wind confirms Mark Twain's words that I heard quoted often yesterday: "The coldest winter I have ever had is a summer in San Francisco." Kelly is a teacher at a private school here; she is doing a beautiful job teaching the leaders of the future how to live in loving relationship with humanity and the earth. Her good friend Rutherford comes to meet us. He is a fascinating man; a Watsu teacher who has spend a lot of his time at Harbon Hot Springs. We have a conversation about water dancing, which he also does, and about our beloved Quantum Light Breath which hails from there. I'm hoping to get a massage from him sometime, and have been invited to come visit again as I will be flying out from San Fancisco on the 14th of July.

Dez and Simon come to fetch me and take me over the awesome Bay Bridge to Oakland, where we have a long, leasurely lunch looking out over the lake. Our host for the night is Claire, who practices as a bondage tantric masseur. How is this for innovation: She ties you up, covers your ears with cordless headphones and takes you into a massage in which you get to feel delightfully out of control. The people start arriving: Tantrikas, polyamorists, authors, Shivaists, Shamans, sacred courtesans - you name it, San Fancisco's got it.

Dez and I present a talk on Sexual Shamanism which Dez sends in the direction of an intriguing discussion on power. One central tenet of the talk is that the collusion of state and religion is what has caused the contracting and binding of our personal power. I talk about the duality split between sacred and sexual and male-female power that happened with the takeover of matriarchal traditions by patriarchy. This took not only violence, but also a re-engineering of people's belief systems through the story of the Garden of Eden. Now the symbol of the Goddess, the snake, has become the symbol of the devil. And the split between the sacred and the sexual, the virgin and the whore, became clearly signified in the archetypes of Eve and Lilith. This has been our choice, and now it is time to choose again, as humanity moves up into the heart chakra.

What is very sweet and delightful is all the appreciation I receive from participants after the talk. I am invited to visit several people, and told that my feminine wisdom is much valued.

I sit by as Dez runs his Sex Magic workshop, which is actually a lovely exercise in getting clear about intention. He uses this thing called Puja that I have heard about so much; two circles, one male, one female, rotating, so that male and female partners keep circulating. What is quite sweet is the way in which people stare into each other's eyes. I wonder where they go.

This morning, off we are to Cafe Gratitude. Tonight a party called something like Dressing up and Taking it Off for Mother Gaya. Then we get to stay with Zeerak Kahn in her hotel room. Saturday morning we are off to Eugene, then Ashland, Oregan, then Portland, one day after the other, doing this same evening programme in each area. Right now, Claire is back home and we are off to Cafe Gratitude for a raw lunch.

To keep updated on our travel schedule, check out http://sedonatemple.com/2010-north-america.php.

We will be available for sessions wherever we go.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Releasing sexual trauma workshop at Neil's yard, Covent Gardens London

6 June 2010

This morning, London is still outrageously, sunnily happy. Uta and I have tea in her beautiful temple room while I admire images on her walls: a Mary Magdalene in tones of deep sanyas red, two large Tibetan dakini paintings and an exquisite oriental watercolor of a couple in Tantric love.

Uta, my fabulous guide, takes us through the maze of the underground in a jiffy while we discuss Tango milongas in London; we have discovered that we share this passion too. Our other shared passion, we discussed in some detail last night. It is so lovely to spend time with a woman who takes as much delight as I do in sessions work, and fascinating to hear how she goes about sharing the energy of the taoist tantric practices.

Here we are, at Neil's Yard in Covent Gardens. Outside, it looks like we may have been in Goa, Kalk Bay or any other spot where bright and professional modern-day hippies hang out. We descend down to the basement room where Uta has booked us a sound-proof venue. How delightful to meet a room full of people for the first time, all of them here with a shared desire to move deeper into the present moment, and through whatever keeps them from that presence. In the group are some men and women who are sacred sexual healers in London and surrounds, there are people from all nationalities and cultures, widowers, housewives and people from seriously mainstream professions.

Our theme for the day is releasing sexual trauma. As we go around in the circle and share what brings us here, a tapestry unfolds of lives lived and felt deeply, with desire, terror, vulnerability, insecurity, optimism,and everything in between. We are all moved by the bredth of experience that human beings are capable of.

London is a place of extremes. People come to London to party, to let out their wild side. I suspect that this after-hours wildness is an attempt to balance the social constraints of daily life. The results are interesting. One participant talks about his difficulty in feeling any arousal without the help of a cocktail of drugs. In public spaces that hold the volumes of people you find here, it is rather important that people behave considerately. Culturally, this habit of being considerate can in its extreme of course contribute to suppression of feeling. The first step in this work is to find some way to lift the lid on what is there to be felt. Sound it seems, is an issue in London. Making sound I gather, especially while making love, is largely taboo. This, of course, is one of the reasons why I get workshop participants to start roaring at each other. Purposefully, with intent, and with eyes wide open. My one big demonstration roar was enough to initiate processes in the room. Trying to find their own roar added the extra touch that started the process of participants feeling the emotions and sensations that had been suppressed in us.

This began a beautiful and moving process of sitting with the feelings that had been touched. In the process, I provide presence, tenderness and holding while the person in process has intense nervous system movement happening through their bodies: contraction, fast, almost hyperventilating breathing, heat and cold, numbness and tingles - all of this as the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems work through the trauma memories that are now being released from the cells.

It takes patience, presence and faith to do this work. It takes all of this from the rest of the workshop participants to witness this process, which can seem scary and quite out of hand. And yet the energy chances that occur when someone is allowed to feel things in their entirety is visceral and transformative for all that are present.

In the afternoon, after tomato soup and a coconut wheat-free muffin in the square, I guide the group into looking at the erotic. Our fantasies and our erotic attractions are such accurate guides to the unconscious. There are fantasies around in the room, for sure, and they are potently to the point. We do one simulation of the energy contained in someone's fantasy. I feel the rest of the participants go through everything from fear, apprehension and deep empathy to flushes of heat and arousal. The lid has been lifted for sure.

I know that several people walked away from today's experience feeling very surprised, and hopefully excited, about things they have discovered about themselves today. There is that particular light that comes on in a person's eyes when they see themselves in a way that they never could have imagined before, and suddenly they are delightfully home in their own skins.

Here is an example. There is a man in the group who has found much joy in being taken by his lover to meet and potentially seduce unknown other women. He got that this was hot for him. What he hadn't gotten yet, was that what made it really hot, was the fact that it was so 'bad' of him to do this. The secret for him, then, was that he lets himself in on how bad he is being when he explores this fantasy again. I listen with empathy as the psychiatrist in the group gives case studies to explain why such work could be dangerous with his patience. Yes, this work is only for the pinacle of seekers, for those few who have done enough inner work, who are clear and strong enough to go all the way, to even move beyond and through the dualities of good and evil that keep us trapped.

My experience of the English to far: diverse, complex, but certainly with shared suppressions not dissimilar from those of middle class South Africans, and trauma experiences not necessarily less so than South Africans have either. As with us, there certainly are some deep wounds and distortions running through family relationships. I am left with an awareness of how easily adults can conspire to keep shut the mouths of children who have been sexually victimized. I am left also with another impression: That often those who have been through severe sexual trauma, develop exquisite sensitivity that is a rare and valuable gift if used with enough care and presence.

Now I am on the train back to Wellingborough where my lovely mother is picking me up for a few days with her in the countryside. Everything is endlessly green and beautiful. The trees grow and breathe around me.

7 June 2010

Oh, what a delight to come home to mother! I got home cooked food and a special berry compote for dinner. Today, I am entering the day with slow delight. Tomorrow I will be off to London to go do sessions, attend a dinner with Tantra teachers in London, a talk by a visiting Tantra teacher from Boston on Thursday night, and then off to Salisbury to present the weekend's retreat: http://www.tantra.uk.com/shaktim.html. The focus here is on building sexual energy or vital life force, and then powerfully directing this energy into the heart. The result of course is that one has to ask yourself this question: How much bliss can you stand?