Tantra Blog

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Conversation with your inner masculine

In my recent teleseminar 3 Keys to Unlocking Your Feminine Sexual Essence, I shared that the underlying issue affecting women’s sexuality today is that we have been operating from an outdated male model of sexuality.

With that in mind, I’d like to give you a simple 3-step practice for addressing this problem by having a conversation with YOUR masculine.

Step 1: Recognize the Voice
As with so many women, the number one thing that stops the awakening of your Feminine Sexual Essence is an old masculine voice that’s playing like an antique gramophone in the back of your head. I’m saying old, because it is a historical voice.

It’s a version of an internalized masculine voice in us that really belongs to the previous century (and earlier). And it’s saying something like this:
  • “You don’t have time for this touchy-feely stuff. You’ve got way too much to do already.”
  • “Get in touch with your feminine? You want to be weak like your mom or crazy emotional like your aunty? You want to wear frilly dresses? Is that your life mission?”
  • “Don’t even try this. You know you’re going to fail. You’re already such a failure as a lover.”
So, this first step is to simply recognize this voice and acknowledge it consciously without needing to “do anything with it.”
Step 2: Notice How this Voice Runs You
I’m sure many women – and men – who read this email, can recognize these voices. They belong to an outdated version of the masculine in us who believes that life is all about personal performance and achievement. 
This step is about being honest with yourself and noticing the degree to which your life is still RUN by this outdated voice. I can write about this because I know this voice so clearly in myself. And I know just how stubborn and driven it is in my life.

Now with a conscious awareness of how this voice works in you, it’s time to engage this “old masculine” voice when he comes up in you.
Step 3: Have the Conversation with Your Masculine
Having a conversation with this masculine voice in you is THE key practice that can open the gates to your Feminine Sexual Essence, as it has for hundreds of women I have worked with over the years. Here is what you do:
  • Put out two pillows facing each other. The one pillow is ‘your’ pillow as the feminine. The other pillow is that of the masculine voice that keeps playing in the back of your head. Switch between the two pillows. When you are sitting in your pillow, speak to the masculine voice as though you are speaking to a man sitting there. Then switch to the voice’s pillow and imagine that you can speak as a man who has that voice to yourself as the feminine. The purpose is to bring more space, awareness and attunement between the two. 
Now, I’d like to suggest to you a flow for this conversation...
  • I tell my masculine that I appreciate everything he has achieved up until now. This is important. Without acknowledgment, this masculine voice will not be open to discussing new possibilities.
  • I express my desire to awaken to my Feminine Sexual Essence – to feel myself more as a woman, to have more space, to live from authentic impulse, to get off the treadmill. Find the words that are true for you. This is often the hardest part for the feminine – to admit what she most deeply wants.
  • Then I move over to the masculine pillow and let him respond. At this point, he might show resistance and say something like: “You’re asking me to change focus. I am really enjoying the success I am having at achieving my current goals. I’m not interested.”
  • I go back to the feminine pillow. Now it’s time to be appreciative but tactful. Express your faith in the capacity of your inner masculine to take on a new challenge. If this doesn’t work, gently make him aware of how exhausting – and how lonely – it is to keep plodding away the way that he has been.
  • Go back to the masculine and let him respond. Being made aware of his yearning to have more of the feminine nourishing his space is usually the thing that will have your inner masculine opening and saying YES.
  • Once he’s given his support, you are good to go! 
In my upcoming live online course Awakening Your Feminine Sexual Essence, we will be 
doing more practices to transform this outdated masculine voice in your your life and to awaken a deep sweetness between your Feminine and the true Masculine. If you are interested, you can learn more and register here!
With love and blessings,

P.S.   If you haven’t yet listened to the audio recording of my virtual workshop, 3 Keys to Unlocking Your Feminine Sexual Essence, you can stream it or download it for f-ree here: 3 Keys to Unlocking Feminine Essence Audio Download Page.

Wake Up to your Senses


For a woman to wake up to her full juicy aliveness, she wants to say YES to her sensual nature — and live through ALL her senses. This series of connected practices will help you open your senses more fully.
Feeling Instead of Thinking
Realize this: the Feminine embodied is a Feeling creature, not a Thinking one. Imagine a Feline stretching luxuriously in the sun, looking at a bird with immaculate attention, and floating her furry tail up into the air like an antenna picking up everything. That’s HER – the Feminine – walking her walk.
You may think there is no place for this way of being in your busy life as a professional or a mother. But is that true? When do you find yourself to be more impactful, more graciously and magnetically loving and changing the world around you: when you are thinking; or when you are in your skin, in your body?
Exploring the Senses One by One
To assist you in making the shift into being a Feeling creature, I suggest the following practice:

Focus on one sensory modality for the day – and pay attention to it. If it’s smell, then notice all the subtle and not so subtle smells that fill your day.

Ride them like a magic carpet. Tune into smells like a radio station through which you can experience the world – just for this day. You could also choose sounds, sensations, visual impulses or tastes.
Tomorrow, move on to another sense. You have five days to immerse yourself in each one of these perception-faculties. Notice the quality of bliss that starts to pervade your day. People might comment and ask if you are in love. And you, of course, can just smile back at them and nod. In love… yes, with life.
Eating a Peach
Now let’s go a step deeper with our senses. Get yourself a really juicy peach or any other soft fruit. Hold it in your hands. Feel it. Smell it. Enjoy its visual beauty. Then slowly, very slowly, start to eat your peach. You want to take at least 20 minutes to finish eating the whole peach. Savor every bite.

Let yourself totally indulge in the taste, the smell, the sensation of juice running down your chin. Who needs alcohol when you can take your time to eat a peach? I have seen this practice start a revolution in women’s relationship with the sensory world, and in the nature of their embodiment.
Going Subtle
We spend so much of our day only paying attention to the superficial or gross level of our sensory experience. I encourage you to take some time to feel into the more subtle levels of your sensory experience. Here are some examples that I notice when I tune into my subtle perception:
  • I notice the silences in between the sounds that fill my day. I let those silences sing to me. There are even silences between the clicks of my keyboard now as I type. I listen also to the melody of the sounds – the unique rhythm they create.
  • I feel the movement of the air and the quality of the light where I am. I notice how the air and the light touch everything around me – and how trees, buildings, people all respond differently to this touch.
  • I let myself perceive the movements inside my heart… the flow of gratitude, a sadness or tenderness passing through and how that moves as sensation through my body.
  • I notice the sensation in my body when I meet someone else. Even when the sensation is uncomfortable, I stay open and curious, not taking it personally – enjoying the unique flow of communication through the senses in our meeting.
Writing a Poem
Finally, I encourage you to put pen to paper and write a simple poem about your encounter with your senses. Here is my poetic offering to you.
The Kiss – by Shakti
Open your lips
Ever so slightly
For the gentle kiss of life –
That breeze which almost dares to lift
The hairs of your newborn cheeks
The first sunrays
Slipping through your sleeping eyelids
That odor of expectant soil –
It is them that have come to tell you
The Beloved has arrived.
In my 7-week course Awakening Your Feminine Sexual Essence, I will be providing guidance for women to deeply enter into your inherently sensual, blissfully sensory nature. Come enter into your body of bliss. Go here to learn more about the course and register: Course Information Page.

I would love for you to join me and many other amazing women from around the world who will be a part of this powerful learning community.
With a warm embrace,

P.S.  The 7-week course starts this Thursday, October 17th, and there's still time to register. I am conducting this online course LIVE, and have developed 3 amazing bonus audio workshops along with 7 exclusive 10-minute videos (one for each course session) that show you the practices and meditations that I'll be teaching you. To enroll, go to this page: Awakening Feminine Sexual Essence Course Page.

Wednesday, October 9, 2013

A powerful practice for cleaning out old patterns

During my virtual workshop last week, I shared the three essential keys that help open the pathways to our true sexual essence as women:

  • Soften into the round and receptive quality of your sexuality as a woman — a very different feel from the driven, goal oriented approach to sexuality that we've been conditioned into in our culture
  • Drop deep into your body — discovering your true essence inside and not in your external appearance
  • Open to the pure power of the Feminine — when we let ourselves relax and feel, the full potency of awakened sexual energy courses through our bodies and transforms the world

Following on this sharing, I’d like to give you 3 practical and potent practices over the next several days as a way to support you in the first steps to awakening your feminine sexual essence. Here’s the first practice...
Practice #1: Cleaning Out Your Temple
The space of our sexuality as women can be an exquisite temple that is deeply honoring of our being. Imagine your yoni/vagina as a pristine temple space filled with the light of your true essence.
Everything about this space radiates femininity. It is a place of endless beauty, magnetic attraction, nourishing smells and tastes, and restful softness.
I am sure you can feel, as you visualize this space, that the creation and maintenance of this temple has everything to do with how you relate to yourself as a sexual being.
Our relationship with our sexuality can become cluttered with history, old beliefs and experiences we are holding on to and also old strategies to avoid being more present.
Because of all this old material in our sexuality, it can start to feel like our sexuality has become a storage locker or a dumping ground. It’s time to have a look at what is in there and clear out the space, so we can start to feel ourselves again. 

I’d like to suggest the following four-step ‘cleaning-out’ practice to begin opening sacred space in the interior of your sexuality. (PS: This practice is unisex. Men can benefit from doing it as much as women!)

  1. Write a short letter to every past lover that is still in the field of your sexuality. Honor them, thank them, and express what you need to express. Then, ritually throw all the letters into the fire. As you do so, say: “I release you (the person’s name) from my sexual space.”

  1. Identify three ways in which you have been using sex. Those could be, for instance: as stress relief, as a kick to lift my mood or my partner’s, as an escape, as a currency to get…(add in here what is true for you). Commit to bringing awareness to your impulse to use sex for these reasons, and to gently stop responding to that impulse.

  1. Write down in your diary or have an honest conversation with a friend about your relationship with Performing in bed. Do you feel that you have to perform in any way? If so, how? What are your habits around sexual performance? Can you begin to let those go?

  1. Reflect on and write down any other ways you have of distracting yourself from being deeply present and in your feeling body during sexual intimacy (for instance, leaving your body, mentally making shopping lists, focusing on your partner’s experience rather than your own). Gently inquire with yourself which of these habits you are ready to let go of.

You’ve probably noticed that, even in reading through these suggestions, you are starting to do the work of clearing out.

Letting go of old habits and old beliefs can be as demanding as going through a detox.
Literally, our biochemistry gets conditioned to release dopamine (a feel-good neuropeptide) when we repeat habitual actions — even if those actions aren’t good for us.

When we stop doing those habitual things, or stop looking at ourselves through familiar lenses, we can feel a drop in dopamine levels. When this happens, remember that you are clearing the way for an awesome new awakening to your true nature as feminine sexual being.
In my 7-week online course Awakening Your Feminine Sexual Essence (starting on Oct 17th), I create a container and lead women through a unique process to systematically clear out some of the core patterns that cause blockages in our sexual flow. I invite you to join me and women from around the world on this journey into our full feminine radiance.
In deep gratitude,
P.S.   Reminder: the Early Registration Bonus for my online course ends tomorrow night (October 9th). This bonus is a LIVE audio workshop with Dan Brule, internationally acclaimed breathwork master, called Breath, Energy, Ecstasy and the Sacred Relationship. Go here to register for the course and lock in this bonus session.