Tantra Blog

Friday, June 20, 2014

Tantrika getting married

On June 13th 2014, Aaron Swanson asked me to marry him - and I said YES.

Now I know getting married is not a very conventional thing for a Tantrika to do. And that there is a perception in the Western Tantra world that Tantra is not for committed couples.

My first Tantra teacher used to say: Tantra is to couples as flower arranging is to rottweilers. I get the metaphor, for sure. In the three years that I have been with this man, we have fought like cat and dog, plummeted the depths of our shadow materials, and moved through more and more exquisite levels of bliss and passion.

And this is exactly the material that Tantra is all about: opening to all levels of experience: entering into the depths of the shadow, soaring to the heights in the realms of light - and not avoiding anything. We have been facing in the light of truth both our stubborn independence and our co-dependence.

I had been resisting relationship in the years before meeting Aaron, because of my passion for realizing truth, and my assumption that it was not possible to really open to truth in a committed one-on-one relationship. This is understandable, seeing as the world's idea of monogamy is so burdened with the false assumptions about love, truth and fidelity held by the collective subconscious.

Aaron opened me to deep, intimate and sexually exclusive partnership through his love of truth and his love of the feminine through me. He also introduced me to Bernie Prior, whose teachings revolutionized my understanding of what is possible in relationship. Through this union, I get to embody a central tenet of the Tantric teachings, which is about the union of the masculine and the feminine principles in us and in our union with another.

I'd like to describe here what it is that I am saying YES to with this engagement.

I am saying YES to

  • the hieros gamos - the sacred marriage of the masculine and the feminine
  • embodying that union in a life shared in love and truth with this man
  • letting the light of our love be a blessing to the world
  • having truth be the compass - even if it threatens the relationship
  • walking the cutting edge of my own evolution, and our togetherness as a couple
  • a deep inner marriage that is reflected in an ever deepening relationship with this man
  • exploring a new paradigm for sexual relationship in our time

I am saying NO to

  • the collective subconscious binds of monogamy as it is held in the culture
  • monogamy as culturally sanctioned co-dependence and avoidance of evolutionary challenge
  • the objectification of love
  • the selling out of marriage's true meaning through too much focus on the external appearance of the event

I know that this union will bring profound gifts of awakening to both Aaron and me. And I know that our union can contribute to a new paradigm of relationship on the planet.

May this union contribute to a clear space of YES for couples in Western Tantra.

And to all you beloveds, regardless of your relationship status or orientation, I invite you to drink from the nectar of this love - and to celebrate with us!

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Into the Deep


I find myself in a very awkward and unknown – I would even say, embarrassing – place in my life. In my life (indeed, lifetimes) as a Tantrika, my focus has been opening with unconditional love, and with a full YES, to all of life’s experience, with deep, unreserved embodiment. And here I stand now, finding myself deeply and passionately attracted – not to life, but to emptiness, to the deep, to what Bernie Prior calls the Black. There is no eros that draws me more right now than disappearing into silence, and being taken by the Beyond. Not very tantric, the conditioned mind would say. But watch how life comes to greet this desire of mine with resounding support.

Not surprisingly, this moment of realization is happening for me on a wild and endless ocean. Many years back, my meeting with the dolphins in these same wild waters had led to the beginning of the Tantric path for me.

Here I stand again, looking into the big blue, calling to the dolphins, with my heart wide open.

Suddenly they come, thrashing through the boundaries of my interior landscape, and singing the space wide open into my heart. All of this is happening in the etheric, without any of us even seeing or hearing an actual dolphin. But the impact inside my heart is so intense that I feel on the brink of tears – those tears that come when the heart has been stretched to the edges of its capacity to hold intensity.

In that inner communication the dolphins have come to pull me into the deep – into that black, endless silence, as if into the depths of a bottomless ocean.

In the time following this, I feel waves of fear rushing through me. I want to disappear into emptiness, and give myself into it as into the arms of the Beloved. And yet something in me is terrified of what will happen. I take this fear into a sound journey that Courtney Ward of Halo Gaia leads. As I listen to the sounds of her instruments, eyes closed, body letting go, I feel myself entering into the heart of fear, which feels like it is the heart of Love. This sends my heart skyrocketing open, like an opera that bursts forth from a ship exploding in fire.

The next morning, we are out on the waters again, and this time, the waves are so big that Courtney will not let us out to swim with the dolphins. They are surrounding us on all sides, playing effortlessly and without the slightest fear in the waves that are heaving our boat up and down in huge swells.

The next moment, a cry goes out: Shark! There is a dark mass in front of us.. a very strange looking large fin pops out of the water. This feels like a miracle. We have found a whale shark! Courtney gives permission to strong swimmers to jump out. I find myself diving down on top of the head of this most magnificent creature, whose body looks like the night sky scattered with a milky way of stars. All around the whale shark are dolphins dancing in utter delight, as if to celebrate the survival of this magnificent but shy creature which is being hunted to extinction by Chinese poachers.

The whale shark is known as the fish that goes deepest into the depths of the ocean – they have been found up to 2 000 meters down. This companion can guide me down into the depths with total ease. And I am going. For the next three months, I have cleared my schedule down to the bare minimum so that I may be taken into emptiness and what lies waiting there for me. Annihilation on some level, I am sure. It is my prayer that less of ‘me’ comes back and more of the ONE living through this body.

See you on the other side, beloveds!