Tantra Blog

Friday, June 20, 2014

Tantrika getting married

On June 13th 2014, Aaron Swanson asked me to marry him - and I said YES.

Now I know getting married is not a very conventional thing for a Tantrika to do. And that there is a perception in the Western Tantra world that Tantra is not for committed couples.

My first Tantra teacher used to say: Tantra is to couples as flower arranging is to rottweilers. I get the metaphor, for sure. In the three years that I have been with this man, we have fought like cat and dog, plummeted the depths of our shadow materials, and moved through more and more exquisite levels of bliss and passion.

And this is exactly the material that Tantra is all about: opening to all levels of experience: entering into the depths of the shadow, soaring to the heights in the realms of light - and not avoiding anything. We have been facing in the light of truth both our stubborn independence and our co-dependence.

I had been resisting relationship in the years before meeting Aaron, because of my passion for realizing truth, and my assumption that it was not possible to really open to truth in a committed one-on-one relationship. This is understandable, seeing as the world's idea of monogamy is so burdened with the false assumptions about love, truth and fidelity held by the collective subconscious.

Aaron opened me to deep, intimate and sexually exclusive partnership through his love of truth and his love of the feminine through me. He also introduced me to Bernie Prior, whose teachings revolutionized my understanding of what is possible in relationship. Through this union, I get to embody a central tenet of the Tantric teachings, which is about the union of the masculine and the feminine principles in us and in our union with another.

I'd like to describe here what it is that I am saying YES to with this engagement.

I am saying YES to

  • the hieros gamos - the sacred marriage of the masculine and the feminine
  • embodying that union in a life shared in love and truth with this man
  • letting the light of our love be a blessing to the world
  • having truth be the compass - even if it threatens the relationship
  • walking the cutting edge of my own evolution, and our togetherness as a couple
  • a deep inner marriage that is reflected in an ever deepening relationship with this man
  • exploring a new paradigm for sexual relationship in our time

I am saying NO to

  • the collective subconscious binds of monogamy as it is held in the culture
  • monogamy as culturally sanctioned co-dependence and avoidance of evolutionary challenge
  • the objectification of love
  • the selling out of marriage's true meaning through too much focus on the external appearance of the event

I know that this union will bring profound gifts of awakening to both Aaron and me. And I know that our union can contribute to a new paradigm of relationship on the planet.

May this union contribute to a clear space of YES for couples in Western Tantra.

And to all you beloveds, regardless of your relationship status or orientation, I invite you to drink from the nectar of this love - and to celebrate with us!


  • At June 21, 2014 at 1:01 AM , Blogger Middle Marge said...

    Amazing Shakti

  • At June 21, 2014 at 2:41 AM , Anonymous Volker Mationschek said...

    Wow-I'll be watching your progress as I cheer you on. All the best and lots of growth, fun, love and laughter to you both.

  • At June 21, 2014 at 3:53 AM , Anonymous Pele (ohad ezrahi) said...

    Mazal tov/ and yet, as someone who lives this way for the last 12 years i ask: will you be open for sexual experiences with other people? will you be blessing those of your partner with other people? will you alow your heart to LOVE deeply an other person? does your marriege include the possibility of a third person (or more)?

  • At June 21, 2014 at 5:45 AM , Blogger Karin said...

    congratulations beloved shakti and aaron. i do indeed share in the nectar, thank you both. i hold you in an embrace of deepest love and respect laced with curiosity and wonder as you take this next step into the merging and full expression of the masculine and feminine.

  • At June 21, 2014 at 7:10 AM , Blogger Lauren Sweet said...

    WOOHOO!! speak soon, o betrothed one xxx

  • At June 21, 2014 at 12:48 PM , Blogger pieta erasmus said...

    Hi Shakti, congratulation on this big step, it is indeed a massive step. I remember the story of the flower arrangements so well, often told to Eurika and myself, at Tantra retreats. It is only in a long and loving relationship that much vertical growth can take place. You will have to deal with the good and bad, otherwise the universe will throw it at us again and again. I can't say that I agree with your Yes and No points, you getting married to someone for one reason only, and that is love. The intention should and must not be to create a paradigm shift in others, or to be an example to other couples. I which you both much love and plenty of happiness . I like the movie "something gotta give" where both said " Having sex is easy, sleeping together is a major step". Enjoy some beautiful sleeping together nights. Xx

  • At June 21, 2014 at 3:52 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Congratulations Shakti and Aaron. You are such an inspiration to us all. Love and blessings Rhonda in Australia

  • At June 21, 2014 at 7:24 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I am deeply touched by the inspiration of your journey, its trials and tribulations, and its openings and magnificence. Congratulations to you both as you embark on the next level of the embrace of Love and beauty in the divine dance of the masculine and feminine. Much love and blessings, Minal

  • At June 21, 2014 at 8:34 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    May the deep blue depths of the sea and sky of the dolphins and whale shark of the Indian Ocean bring to you deep inner rest and awareness of your truth this month ahead! May your life's' questing be strengthened in partnership! It is not the story but the actions of love and truth that are transformative. Your engage-meant with Aaron is a happy time, and the rituals of love and loving over time will strengthen you. May caring and compassion be ever in your suitcases + pillows. Congratulations Shakti and Aaron.with love, Inga

  • At June 22, 2014 at 3:07 AM , Blogger Faride Z said...

    Dear Shakti,

    What a beauiful sharing.
    your sharing bcomes more and more fluent and it touches me every tim that i read you.
    Congratulations with your intentions towards eachother.
    It is very beautiful.
    Thank you for sharing.
    I wish you both the blizz and union of truth to eternity and lots of joy and happyness in the continuation of your exploration together,


  • At June 22, 2014 at 7:39 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    i am so very happy for you, you who has shared so much and given so freely, now to find a different and deeper kind of love.
    wishing you to be happy and enjoy a different kind of freedom and explore new meanings of love and wisdom on your journey with Aaron, jean paul

  • At July 22, 2015 at 1:35 AM , Blogger Robert Duberg said...

    Celebrating this evolution of marriage in my heart as a commitment to the possibility of marriage, unknown not known. Be forever unfolding love beloved. RjDuberg

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